My Mental Health Story
I was diagnosed with type 2 bipolar when I was 24 years old, after I took a psych evaluation as I sought entrance to a religious community. I had been on anti-depressants for less than a year, and while the diagnosis was not a complete shock to me (it ran in my family), I still had a very hard time accepting it. As far as I knew, people with bipolar were crazy; and I wasn’t that. I thought I was just a really productive, person with a choleric temperament who happened to get depressed on a regular basis. By God’s grace, I was still accepted by the community, under the condition that I undergo treatment since this community had Sisters who were also psychiatrists. I was also asked to spend the first year as a “pre-postulant” (think pre-school for women who want to enter religious life….) at their convent in Germany. I ended up spending 2.5 years discerning with the community before coming to the conclusion that religious life was in fact, not my life long vocation. But, I would not give up those 2.5 years for ANYTHING. Looking back, they were the beginning of a healing journey that I cannot imagine my marriage or motherhood without. As I discerned out of the community, I began implementing many of the helpful habits and practical living tips that I had learned and acquired during my time as a religious into my new life as a single late-twentysomething woman with bipolar. By God’s grace I started dating a wonderful man and after a year, we got engaged. Six months after that, we were married, and shortly after our one year anniversary I gave birth to our firstborn and became a stay-at-home mother.
AND EVERYTHING CHANGED.
Well, not everything, but a LOT changed. Suddenly it seemed that all my coping skills were hijacked and no longer an option. I could no longer go to a coffee shop at the drop of a hat to be somewhere “mentally safe” because….kids. No longer go out with friends quite as much as I used to because…… marriage. No longer did I have two hours a day to drive to the gym and back to workout. As a stay at home mother, the daily routine that I so desperately needed went out the window. Our finances as a family changed — as was to be expected when you go down to one income, but still. To top it off, I had to change medication since what I had been taking happened to be not so pregnancy or nursing friendly. It was then that I realized the following:
FAMILY LIFE COMPLETELY CHANGES THE MENTAL HEALTH GAME.
I am reminded of what the psychiatrist told me upon my diagnosis — she said, “You can still lead a normal life — it will be hard work, but it is possible.” There have been days and months where I have questioned that statement, but it is indeed true. But becoming a mother was also a shock to me - in the sense that I realized that our society and culture did nothing to prepare me for this vocation. I had told myself that because I babysat a lot and had lots of nieces and nephews that it wouldn’t be much of a transition, but that simply wasn’t true. This is where my time in the convent, however, had not only taught me lessons that were important for caring for my mental health, but in teaching me basic life skills that were important for living a life in service for others, which of course translated beautifully to life as a mom. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and felt called to give back in some way to help teach what I had been taught, so I started an online Masters program with Divine Mercy University in Psychology so that I could become a life coach. I started coaching and I LOVED IT. I had never felt so much like a vessel for the Holy Spirit outside of family life than when I was coaching.
and then I had another baby. and another. and….another.
And….I got exhausted. Really exhausted. It fueled the mood swings like no other. And while the seemingly obvious answer was to stop having kids and delegate the ones I already had to the care of others so that I could just go have fun coaching- it didn’t sit right with me as a long term solution. I definitely had to ask for help, but I also really wanted to be with my kids. And I also really wanted to be open to however many kids the Lord wanted to bless us with (keeping in mind that all my kids have naturally been about 2 years apart and I didn’t have my first child until I was 30). That ‘s when I realized that the biggest mental hurdle I had to overcome were the ones that were being caused by exhaustion.
I went back to charting my moods, medicine, and sleep, like I had originally done in the convent that first year in Germany. I started to add a few more goals that were simple, took literally minutes to do, and that I knew would have a huge impact on attaining a state that was well rested instead of utterly exhausted. While I really prioritize sleep, medicine and water - the rest of the habits I focus on only one at a time. Some weeks I really focus on boosting my energy with 5-10 minutes bouts of exercise, others I focus on really allowing myself some leisure time with a good book. In the end, it ALL HELPS!
And now I want to share that gift of gentle self care with you!!
I highly recommend that you watch the free mini-course and download the Gentle Self Care Daily Tracker to get started.